who could change my attitude was me.  The other patients gave me enough strength and determination to allow me to refuse to accept my attitude.  Once that happened I had no choices left.  I had to do something.  I did.  I went to God and admitted that I couldn’t handle this by myself any more.  I told him that he would have to do it for me.  In spite of my arrogance he did.

 

Then I took advantage of the free integrative services that were available.  I found more help there.

 

My cousin sent me a book that helped me more than I can express.  The book is “Feelings...Buried Alive Never Die” by Karol K. Truman.  If you haven’t read it I        recommend it strongly. 

 

I was in the hospital again when I received a call from my mother.  Dad had experienced another heart problem and had been flown to The Heart Hospital in Albuquerque where he had undergone open heart surgery a year earlier.  A friend had driven her down to be with him.  The procedures had all gone well and they were close to releasing him.  He was not allowed to drive, and the doctors didn’t believe she should either.  For the first time ever I said, “I can’t.  I can’t come but I’ll call my brothers and get you some help.”  Then I called both brothers and said, “I know that I’ve always taken care of things like this, I can’t, so you two talk about it and handle it.”  They did.  I was able  to sleep and leave it up to someone else to take care of my people.

 

My attitude had turned around completely.  I found that I was becoming happier than I had been in a long time.  I still faced extremely large problems, but they no longer had the ability to take up all my energy and concentration.  One day Doctor Tillinghast told us that the cancer was in full remission.  We continued the chemo treatments.  While the last one was taking place I realized I would miss being with the other patients in the treatment room.

 

So Dr. Green said, “Cancer”.  Maria asked, “What’s next?”  And now you know.

 

I discovered that cancer has in fact become a wonderful gift.  I find that my priorities have changed.  That much of what drove me pre-cancer is powerless now.  My life has become simpler and what I care about is family, friends, and what God wants me to do with my life.  God can and will handle the rest.  I know that I don’t want to live my life the way I used to.  Instead I am going to live my life in the current moment.  In the now and not all tied up in the mistakes of the past or consumed by what the future might or might not be.  I have been given a priceless opportunity.  I can change who I have been into the person I want to be.  I have a chance to start life over as a new person, in  possession of all the experiences and knowledge it has taken nearly 61 years to acquire.  

                                      

~Ken Bergquist