Text Box: ACTUAL EXCERPTS FROM STUDENT SCIENCE EXAM PAPERS: The theory of evolution was greatly objected to because it made man think. Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars. The process of turning steam back into water again is called conversation. A magnet is something you find crawling all over a dead cat. The Earth makes one resolution every 24 hours. To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube. Parallel lines never meet, unless you bend one or both of them. Algebraical symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about. A circle is a line which meets its other end without ending. The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects. The moon is a planet just like the Earth, only it is even deader. English sparrows and starlings eat the farmers grain and soil his corpse. A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold. Blood flows down one leg and up the other. The hookworm larvae enters the human body through the soul. When you haven't got enough iodine in your blood you get a glacier. It is a well-known fact that a deceased body harms the mind. For fractures: to see if the limb is broken, wiggle it gently back and forth. For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it. For nosebleed: put the nose much lower than the body. To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose. For head colds: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat. For asphyxiation: apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead. Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative. Bar magnets have north and south poles, horseshoe magnets have east and west poles. When water freezes you can walk on it. That is what Christ did long ago in wintertime. When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbonmonoxide. Text Box: Next week I’m going to have an MRI to find out if I have claustrophobia. -Steven Wright

Your Prescription for Laughter
Text Box: Q: What is a pumpkin’s favorite sport? A: Squash Text Box: Q: What did one Jack-o-lantern say to the other? A: Cut it out! Text Box: Q:What does a pumpkin say after a big meal? A: That was filling!